I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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