My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
