Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
