apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
