so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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