one word: firstdatebathroomanal
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
