My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
