Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
