I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
