I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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