i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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