I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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