I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize