Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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