Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
