how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
