That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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