I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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