Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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