It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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