and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
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I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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