Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
