Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
