The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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