At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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