someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Can I color on your dick again?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
