I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
