i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
