I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
