i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
