That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
