WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
