i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
