she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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