ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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