Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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