I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
