theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
