She said her name was "party"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
