i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
