Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
