My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Mom said you looked used
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
