I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
