I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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