i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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