Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
