She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
