i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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