So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
