I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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