The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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