i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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