Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
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Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
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This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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