he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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