I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
