Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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