I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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