guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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