is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
