R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
No subtext here. People are naked.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
