I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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