rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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