So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
