guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
