the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
