If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I am spending my child support on dildos
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
