dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
