what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
