I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
