yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
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