Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
