It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
