just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
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You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
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Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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